Quick Dollars [spam]

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Maybe if I could get me one of them loans…I could stop eating SPAM!

Hi Dave:
Would you need a co-signer on that “deal?”
I’ve got a nice Ludlow for collateral.
Also I have a Spam cookbook featuring the 70 billionth can of Spam sold; with several really good recipes for “Spam Sandwiches.”
Maybe if I got one of those loans, that would be a step up for me. I’d quit eating those Vienna Sausages or Potted Meat that I get at the Dollar Store (two cans for $1.00) mix or match.
Excuse me, I’ve got to take about ten minutes to read the ingredients again!
I know what it is to poor, when I was a kid, we’d buy Hamburger Helper-Helper!

If you believe Stan’s story, I have some SPAM bearing land I could sell you…

i’ll buy that land, only if its ocean front.

dickg and HavenPress:
With HavenPress and dick having a good start to a very lucrative business, with HavenPress having Spam-bearing land, and dickg comes his financial resources and with his knowledge of ocean-front land.
Opening a theme park featuring Spam-fed Dolphins, would probably get us support from Spam.
I have recently acquired seven (7) left-handed Rouse sticks. Seems that long-ago and-far away Snow White ordered these for her faithful little friends. Upon receiving these she realized they were much too large for these little guys. So back to the Railway Express Agency to send these back to Rouse in far-away Chicago.
Arriving at Rouse, these sticks got lost somehow, to be discovered recently by the demolition crew in a safe on third floor. I have recently acquired all seven of these beautiful engraved sticks.
In a beautiful 24pt. Royal Script were engraved the well-known names of the dwarfs:
Sneezey, Sleepy, Dopey, Doc; Happy, Bashful and Grumpy; I hope to bring the proceeds of these precious sticks as my part of the partnership.
I would imagine that dickg would head the corporation as he is the largest shareholder.
Followed by HavenPress, with his Spam-bearing land would possibly be second in command.
I could possibly be in charge of the property, with the amusement park, and the dolphin show. Awarding contracts to vendors is a tough job, but I’ll take it on as a challenge. Where there is Spam-bearing land there are sea shells. Having these painted and being made into various souvenirs would be a profitable venture! I would like to have a piece of the action by having the franchise selling sea shells. Of course naming the business: STAN SELLS SEA SHELLS BY THE SEA SHORE!

As Paul Harvey would say:
“And now you know the rest of the story: The Seven Dwarfs were all lefties.”

It sounds like a fair deal. Having said that I dont understand a word of it. The grammar and sentencing are all over the place. Perhaps it has come from Nigeria? Somewhere on a back street someone is carefully clicking away at this nonsense trying to scam some dollars and pounds from us curmudgeonly old (and young) printing lot.
Well good luck to you. As we say here you can’t kid a kidder.
And if it smells like a rat, its a rat.
My question is as this sort of hokum has been going on for years now, does anyone still get fished in?

Actually I’ve looked at the link and read it again and now my head hurts…..

This letter is intended as a kind of vaccine, an inoculation if you will, against the lies that permeate Mr. Ivan S Zabormaki’s criticisms. To plunge right into it, Mr. Zabormaki’s domineering theories disgust me, but that’s a story for another time. For now, I want to focus on the way that several things he has said have brought me to the boiling point. The statement of his that made the strongest impression on me, however, was something to the effect of how two wrongs make a right. If I have a bias, it is only against brown-nosing ratbags who waste our time and money. My argument is that it is much to be lamented that so few people are willing to love the Earth and everything that flowers and crawls upon it. Ridiculous? Not so.

Make no mistake about it; Mr. Zabormaki and his secret agents are egocentric casuists. This is not set down in complaint against them but merely as analysis. I don’t see how he can build a workable policy around wishful thinking draped over a morass of confusion (and also, as we’ll see below, historical illiteracy), then impose it willy-nilly on a population by force. I’m not saying that it can’t possibly be done but rather that we and Mr. Zabormaki clearly need to call a truce on our arguments over irrationalism. Unfortunately, Mr. Zabormaki will refuse to accept any such truce, as his whole raison d’être is to promote irrationalism in all its froward forms.

No matter how much talk and analysis occurs, Mr. Zabormaki is exceedingly querulous, licentious, immature, blasphemous, nutty, inerudite, abusive, flagitious, illiberal, and sick. Sorry for the synathroesmus, but there’s something I’ve observed about him. Namely, he may not know how to spell “photoreconnaissance”, but he definitely knows how to spoon-feed us his pabulum. I’ve further observed that many, many people have been hurt by Mr. Zabormaki for daring to set the stage so that my next letter will begin from a new and much higher level of influence. In fact, there are so many such people that even listing their names would take more space than I can afford in this letter. In their honor, though, I will say that I try never to argue with Mr. Zabormaki because it’s clear he’s not susceptible to reason. That’s our situation today, in very rough outline. Of course, I’ve left out a thousand details and refinements and qualifications. I’ve not mentioned that Mr. Ivan S Zabormaki’s stupidity concerning misoneism is laughable. And I’ve ignored resistentialism altogether. I’ve simply pointed out one key fact: Mr. Zabormaki’s flock is a petri dish in which toxic cultures of tactless moral relativism flourish and multiply.


”We are not the sort to explain or complain.”

Note to Albion Press:
Please pass me the aspirin!
You have any Midol for my friend?

Why was this posted on this site to begin with? What possible connection to letterpress is there in that?

It’s a spambot, and the message on top of the site should explain why it hasn’t been removed yet.

OMG, Thx.

raison d’être = Reason for existence.

Who has the most B. S.?


”We are not the sort to explain or complain.”

Vote Early and Vote Often.